Kids nowadays are lucky, they choose their haircut freely. In our days, your father will just tell the barber "let it shine"

@TheComedyCentre

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you're looking for, and then tell you they don't have it

@TheComedyCentre

The last drop of the urine does not obey the law of gravity unless you shake it well

@TheComedyCentre

It's like my mum always told me...

"You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but you better hope he doesn't die."

@TheComedyCentre

: I am leaving you.

Me: Is it because I act like I know everything?

Her: Yes.

Me: I knew it!

@TheComedyCentre